I have been revving my engines for days in preparation for this fast. As it is now time to dive in, I find myself nostalgically expecting great wisdom to set in. I've been moving a lot today. Setting the stage, fussing about, cleaning furiously. It's behavior that is needing balance. I have not yet surrendered to the pace of fasting. Sometimes I don't receive the lesson until I experience actual body pain. So, I have taken to my bed with the laptop for a quiet moment to reflect.
When I remember to move slowly and gently it is a gateway to the softness of the experience. The lightheadedness adjusts into a slight fuzzy feeling in the in the skull when I take a deep breath. The breath itself is more spacious and expansive. The breath settles the brain and gentle clarity replaces the running thoughts.
I find that my ego wants to ensure those around me that I am strong. I'm reassuring them and using body language reflecting strength. Funny approach, since fasting is a quick road to vulnerability. I also know that my inward strength does not require outward expressions for my family to know it. When I am confident and grounded, they will simply know and have no fear. I like that as a lesson applied to my life in general.
As I described before, I intend to document and observe my behavior during the fast in order to gain insight into the workings of my egoic patterns. With regard to my relationship to food, I am surprised to see that many things have changed since my last fast. In recent months, my developed food habit has been to grab a piece of fruit in the morning as I work in order to maintain my energy/sugar levels. I had to stop myself from feeling the low sugar levels and to not reach for the fruit as a solution. What a change from mentally battling cravings and fantasies about food. This commitment I made to eating without fear has profoundly adjusted more than I realized. I will explain my approach to eating in another post, but it is suffice to say that I have spent much of my life viewing food as an enemy and a temptation. In recent years I have tested out methods of re-cognizing food as something which serves me, rather than harms me.
It is time to rest. Thank you for taking the time to share this experience with me. Again, if you would like to share or comment please click on the title of the blog post and you will be able to comment at the bottom of the page.