Cheating

The first day of my fast my 10-year old was nervous.  She was compulsively asking me if it was possible for me to have this food, or that food.  I finally asked her if she noticed what she was doing.  I have educated her on the benefits of fasting, but seeing it in action was too much for her to accept.  She acknowledged that she couldn't imagine not eating.  Even for a day.  Part of that is the natural instinct in a small growing human to consistently consume food to support the active changes happening in the body.  Kids aren't supposed to fast.  Another part of it is the fact that fasting is actually teaching us how to discipline ourselves.  None of us is really prepared to fast before our first fast.  We learn by doing, failing, and/or succeeding.

I don't think of it as cheating.  Theoretically, I could have 500 calories a day and it would still be fasting.  There are many supplements which could make fasting still have effect while strengthening the system.  I have been on fasts where I derail from the taking of a single, small, food item, and I have been on fasts where I have taken a small amount of food and then continued on not eating.

My mental focus for this fast is the expansion of my will power.  This includes my word and my voice.  Being truthful and dedicated to my promise to myself is a personal conversation that embodies what the fast is supposed to provide for my growth. 

Speak the truth
And Truth comes through you
— Within

The will is focused physically at the 5th chakra.  The parts of the body governed by the 5th chakra are the shoulder girdle, the arms, hands, and the throat.  Essentially, that which you speak with your mouth or do with your hands becomes manifest.  The quote above is from a song I wrote in which I was discussing the fact that when one is truthful in life, wisdom is the result, behaving like a byproduct of the commitment.  The Tao says when you align with truth, it becomes you. 

My neck, part of this 5th chakra, has been in seizure since the first day.  I slept with a heating pad on and off through the night while silently celebrating modern technology.  It has worked well.  But the tension in my neck is still present.  A few conscious movements and spending time with the people I love should prove helpful.  My daughters, 10 and 16 are having a great time in the evening making dishes from our favorite cookbook for dinner.  After two years of teaching commitment they are mostly self-sufficient in the kitchen.  (Chopping onions is still a challenge, but they take it on).

 The beautiful red curry chickpeas my 10-year old, Deva, prepared entirely by herself.  (Except for a panicked question about slicing green onions: "do I slice them, or what?"  Um, yes.  Slicing is what you do).

The beautiful red curry chickpeas my 10-year old, Deva, prepared entirely by herself.  (Except for a panicked question about slicing green onions: "do I slice them, or what?"  Um, yes.  Slicing is what you do).

Relieving tension from my neck has exposed what I am learning from this fast.  I have carried a tendency to push myself mentally.  I have had high expectations of what my voice and will should contribute.  I have attracted people who have the same mindset.  In response to this awareness of my past behavior, release has become a skill I am cultivating in this fasting process.  Release of my past and release of my future is my new standpoint.  I can only offer from the place I stand.  Those who receive will receive.  I am allowing my life to show itself to me in its perfection, rather than expecting my future or my past to be perfect.

True relaxation into trusting one's personal power to create is a giant move.  I have been reaching for this change for quite some time.  Now, I simply Will do this.  

In my mind, the passage of food through my mouth is not an issue when my goals are focused on a deep transformation.  Temptation or desire is minuscule when I know the power of keeping my word to not let food pass through my mouth.  My relationship to myself is fortified by my maintenance of my word.  My pure word carries the power to shepherd in a new consciousness.